Quest for Perfection

A dark room. Visible in the flames of the gas stove is a pressure cooker, which is obviously kept there for cooking, and a slightly stocky figure sitting on the sofa (slouching would have been more accurate). It was late in the evening, and Santosh was cooking his dinner at his home. Today he wanted to be in the dark. Darkness helps to ignore the immediate surroundings along with the emotions attached to it. Darkness means pensive brooding.

Brooding about, where he was and what had become of him. Known as "Sant" during his graduation days mainly as a shortened version of his name, it was not very indicative of his nature. He was known as an intellectual but without a philosophical bent to his mind. His philosophy began and ended with how money can solve all the problems of the world. Knowledge was important to him, but only as long at it provided good remuneration. He was intelligent and had made into a good job profile even before graduation. He waited for the first salary; waited eagerly for the drought to end, drought of money.

On the stove, the pressure cooker was still cool but soon it will be hotter.

He arrived in Mumbai, the financial capital of India, with a job in hand and dream in his eyes. This was his first job and his expectations were high. The job met his expectations, but his meager salary did not. The same salary which felt like a lot before was not enough for even meeting his bare necessities. He had already seeped in the spirit of Mumbai. This was the city which never slept, cared for money, worshiped money. Nothing else mattered to these citizens of the great city. He knew he deserved better than living in non-AC hotels, traveling in the smelly public transport. And he knew that a degree from a good B-school was the solution to all his problems, the only avenue to achieve a decent-standard living. A car, a house in a good locality and enough money to spare for little pleasures was all he wanted. He didn't know it then, but he had slowly but surely started the descent into an abyss, at the bottom of which lay a quicksand, sucking in more than life of a person.

The pressure cooker was hot now. Inside, the steam was getting generated, creating pressure, crushing anything which it could engulf.

Fast forward 2 years. Admit from the top B-School had made him an overnight hero among his friends and relatives. He never lost his cool in all the excitement and he never lost sight of his aim. Once out with a diploma from the B-School he would have enough money to satisfy all his needs. Heaven was just a step away. He could feel the tension build within him. He could feel disconnection from people around him, those who were congratulating him. Obviously this was the 'high' of success. Soon the world would be his and he would have all he had wanted for so long.

The pressure cooker indicated the first warning by letting out a little steam out of the valve. Now the pressure was reaching the maximum and rice had started cooking. However, Santosh was too busy thinking.

Forward 2 more years in B-School. Shanty, as he was now known, was one of the top students there. He had chosen to major in Finance, obviously because that was what paid the most. Every pat on the back, every competition won was making him happier, taking him closer to his goal. He could still remember his first blazer and the first major presentation. He had won the accolades of the judges, an offer in one of the big investment banks and a six figure salary to go with it. Now he would live in luxury, travel would mean star-hotel-hopping and he could afford to drive his own car. The world could not get better, he had thought. He knew now what a delusion it was, but the realization had come a few years too late.

A full whistle, the way of pressure cooker telling you that the food is cooked and the flame should be reduced sooner or later. If you want a perfectly cooked food, that is. However Santosh was in no mood to heed to these indications.

"Mumbai is the right candidate to be called 'the city of joy'" thought Shanty, entering into the office. He had arrived in a posh car although not the best in town and neither chauffeur driven. But that is just a matter of time, he thought. He awaited eagerly for his first assignment to show-off in the office and for the first pay check to show off to the city of Mumbai. He had plans to celebrate the first pay with style. But then came the first disappointment in ages. He realized that he was not the best among the lot, it was tough work to impress his bosses and that his pay did not go too far for his style and neither did his current salary give him the luxury of owning a house, in a so called 'decent' locality, that is. Now started the grueling phase of life. Long hours in office was a necessity. Weekends at office were expected. And though Shanty was enjoying his work, he started missing his home. It had been many months since he could visit his parents. But then came the promotion which came along with a good hike in salary. His long hours at office were gratified. Now he was on the fast elevator. Finally he could afford a house and also marriage, perhaps. Life is perfect, he had thought.

A second full whistle. This is when the rice is completely cooked and it is time to take the cooker off the flames. But this is only if somebody is listening and understands the signal. Santosh understood the signal, but was not listening. He was too busy and buried in his thoughts.

A new house in a middle class suburb, a new car and a new wife. Life was idyllic for 2-3 months after marriage. Working 'normal' hours in office was so relaxing. So is spending romantic time in the evening. Surely, people used to comment on how marriage had changed Shanty, but he never took them seriously. And one fine evening, his boss came into the cubicle and requested some report to be submitted early morning next day. That day was the first late-night since marriage and it felt awful. He vowed not to let it happen again. But this was start of eventual descent into chaos. Initially he stayed late nights only when there were urgent requests from his boss. Then, as he received a hint from a senior that his pay hike and promotion may be affected due to 'regular' hours, he started staying late nights a few times a week. His wife showed her displeasure but was satisfied when he had assured her that it was only a temporary solution till he got a promotion.

The rice was over boiled now and the pressure cooker was silent, having been exhausted much of its water.

Another promotion with a fat bonus this time. The late nights had paid off. It was party time. No more over-working, thought Santosh. He will get a big hike along with guaranteed career at this level. However world is crazy. His bonus was spent within one month for the down payment for the new bigger car. He had never felt the need for the bigger car, but soon a well wisher commented, "Come-on, now you are a manager, you should not come in that filthy small car. You should go for one of those big German cars." Santosh knew that status was very important in his business. The more success is seen by others, more the people respect you. And more the people respect you, the better it is for your career. Now, the hike was being poured into the car EMI and some more in the petrol. And he had to take more loan for renovating the home. The irony of the promotion was that Santosh was now more precariously placed than before the promotion. Life should have been perfect then, but...

The pressure cooker had even stopped seething. It was as if it had lost all hopes of being rescued from the heat.

One fine day, Santosh friend cum colleague came up with a plan. He had seen a land for sale. It was in a decent locality and this was a golden chance to own a beautiful house. The total cost will be much less than the prices in that locality. Santosh was tempted to invest. However soon he realized that he could not afford it with its present situation. Disappointed he was. However his friend suggested a way out and Santosh readily agreed. The hike was due anytime. Santosh just had to live on tight budget till the bonus and the hike turned up. Deal was done and now Santosh was in Cloud 9. Finally, he would have a house in a good locality which can be boasted of. So what if he had to stay on tight budget for some time. His wife understood although she was strained. Things were hoped to be getting better with the hike.

There comes a stage when the pressure cooker is silent and outwardly the appearance is cool. However internally new stress is being built, environment is being heated. It is like an eye of the storm. Calm before the worst winds. Perfect landscape before the worst damage.

Time for hike came and went. Not aware of the financial turbulence which was only about to begin, Santosh got first frustrated and then depressed over his financial situation. He was neck deep in loan which seemed more like a quicksand. The more he moved, the more he seemed to be drowning. The more he worried about finances, the more his performance dropped. The more his performance dropped, the more he had to stay in office. It had now become a habit to stay late-night in office, sometimes pull all-nighters. Meanwhile the situation in the global market was becoming more and more precarious with each passing day. The strain reached its breaking point. Estrangement of an already strained relationship is easy to happen in such times. Story seemed so familiar. Some of the vices he had picked up in the journey also got exaggerated.

The day came when big things were to happen. A minor disagreement degrading into major issue big enough to consider separation resulted into his wife leaving home. Getting into office late, Santosh found the office in disarray. A sudden decision had been made by the company in a desperate move to save itself by cutting costs. With degraded performance over past few months, Santosh was first one to become redundant. It was today that everything had happened. He felt like crying. He felt the loneliness. He felt helpless. And then, suddenly there was a loud noise... and a revelation.

Red-hot cooker on the stove suddenly found safety. The safety valve burst leading to a big noise and spilling the rice on the ceiling. Although the noise was big, it saved the cooker from further damage.

Big noise does not always mean big damage.