“Kaise-Fati-2008”
Once upon a time in a far away planet there lived a King. It was a weird planet with its own caste system. There was common (wo)man who through his sweat and blood sustained the planet. Then there were leaders of the common (wo)men who were kind and encouraging. Then there were accountants managing the economy. But the greatest of them all were the organizers. Those born with silver spoons and having a gift to manage the show. Unfortunately, like all the bourgeoisie on all the planets, disconnected from the reality.
One day the King decided to please the public. He decided to spend some money earned by the country through the hard work of the common (wo)man, he called for a “Outing” and called it “For the People”.
Outing in that planet meant something else. On the day of outing, all the population of the planet will be herded to a far away place, will be provided with food and drinks. He even decided that a “robe” will be given to everyone to commemorate this occasion. They will be given a chance to perform on stage and show their talents. King would also give a speech and achievements would be mentioned and future plans would be discussed.
Date was fixed and venue decided. The common (wo)man began their preparation in full force to decide. All of them prepared well for the event including the King. But GODS had something else in mind.
- The event was decided to take place far away. People waited for the letter instructing the transportation. People waited in vain and letter arrived only after the nightfall on the planet and most of the people had slept. Organisers blamed the Postman.
- Still with ingenuity most of them managed to get to the venue, only to find big queue for the first food. (Organisers forgot that many people will arrive simultaneously.) They blamed the mathematician who did not model the arrival rate properly. Unfortunately Poisson arrival does not work properly in such cases.
- The King started giving speech. It turned out that the space for the audience was small. (Organisers had forgotten that the King was ruling over a booming planet and population had increased four-fold in past few years.). Organisers blamed the common (wo)man were not interested to listen.
- Lunch and dinner coupons were distributed only after writing down employee names. (Organizers forgot that they lived on a lonely planet, and everybody was invited). BTW, by checking the lists, the author confirmed the rumors that super-stars from far away Indo-sara like Bipasha Basu and Amitabh Bachchan had sneaked in to have food.
- Organizers managed the complex task of collecting coupons in exchange for plate immensely enjoyable. The scene was more like olden day BSE Share market, where every person is try to get his hand high enough to submit the coupon and obtain the plates. This clearly improved the “Bhai-chara” among the citizens of the planet. Unfortunately some people were non-sportive enough to plan getting their own plates from the next ‘Outing’.
- Being a lonely planet and not affording inter-planetory transport, judges for the competition were chosen from among the leaders of common (wo)man. As an unrelated event immediately after the judges were announced, the performers started guessing the winners even before anybody had performed. (Organisers did not respond to this question). Foreign words like “Benson” and “Bucknor” were also heard by the author, although did not make much sense.
- Transport on the way back, food was arranged during the performance. (Organizers claimed lack of time. Participants claimed lack on ingenuity from organizers). Most people were engrossed in food while competition was on. Organizers quoted that food improved the enjoying ability.
- Immediately after the performance, transportation was announced. Teams performing last were not given food. (Organizers claimed the Joy of performance should fill the stomach).
- Last but not the least, robe mentioned by the King was never distributed. (When contacted, organizers claimed the robe was given only to those people who managed to take the survey of the size.) It turned out that survey was placed in shadow where nobody could see it. Rumours say it is part of cost cutting strategy by the ever-brilliant Organizers. How ironic considering that the people busy preparing for the event (and those who did not take the survey), most deserved the “robe”.
Over-all the event was named as “Kaise- Fati” by common (wo)man. But organizers still call it Casa-Fete, the Greatest success. (Scale for success: Lesser the money spent per person, bigger the success).
People have already started planning for “Phir-Fati-2009”. Some tips making rounds:
- Rent a Tent for changing costumes with dignity.
- Carry a multi-level stool for accommodating into speech-room.
- Carry a plate, spoon, bowl etc for having food in peace.
- And last but not the least, carry a tiffin-box for storing the dinner so that food can be had on the bus. Preferably Tiffin be filled already with Food. Any food is better than Cold and Stale food.
- Keep stock of some liquids from UB Group and from other groups for interested parties.
