Thursday, January 16, 2014

'India shining'?

India is different. People trying to compare the rise of China and Vietnam now, or Japan and Korea in the past face this difficulty of realising that parameters which led to change (like public health indicators) are not changing in India depicting development.

I watched a video from Hans Rosling which depicted rise of various developing countries into developed world. There the life expectancy and education rose first, then the GDP. Its true about Korea. Its about to become true about China and may be of Vietnam and Bangladesh.

But India is different. It is a democracy. And policies set by government in a democracy tend to become populist. India has universal suffrage since its inception. This impacts the policies which tend to become even more populist. Money is spent on giving free food and free electricity to majority of population. Agriculture is exempt from Income Tax. And obviously, there is no money left for improving health system, education or mass transport infrastructure.

Yet somethings have improved in the past. The roads are better. The airports are better. But this largely serves the population with money to own the car and to fly.

But the problems in India are rarely solved by the government. We need to dig deeper to find green shoots. And that's where we will find private enterprise playing the role which government let go.

Private schools are booming. These schools are run by private individuals 'for profit'. This means they do not have any ulterior motive but to give education and make money in the process. And their clientelle are lower middle class and labour class who sometimes invest 30% of their earnings in educating their child. And best of all this is not limited to urban areas. A recent report states over 25% of enrolment in rural areas is to private schools

The mobile communications has changed the face of India. As an unfortunate side effect, more people have access to mobiles than toilets. But what is not obvious is that SMS and missed calls makes communication smoother and information easier to access. Now farmers have access to market rates and it becomes tougher for touts to clinch a killer deal. Internet and broadband are not yet widespread, but that is only a matter of time.

The rate of growth of population especially in south and west India has slowed down drastically.

Banking is largely computerised. So are many services. People are far less tolerant to power cuts and bad roads than they were in the past. And there have been few cases of activism by educated elite. This is the first time since the 60's that educated elite has involved themselves. But this has been too few and far between.

And thus we come to a interesting cusp. Either things will improve drastically, and if so, this would be upside down development with government trying to catch up. If things go bad, we always have hope that we will have government aided development some time in future.


Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Surprise



It was Friday. Gaurav woke up just as the plane landed. The flight was only for an hour but when it landed at Pune Airport, he felt refreshed. It was for the first time this week that he had slept well. He was confident also for the first time this week about the state of affairs of job as well as his heart.
As he made his way towards the baggage belt, he switched on his phone. He had to resist the temptation to call Sakshi. He would rather give her a surprise, for the look on her face, when she sees him, was too valuable to miss.

While waiting for his luggage near the baggage belt, Gaurav received a call from Prateek which he answered smiling. As he spoke,  the smile vanished.
Thirty minutes later, there was a lone bag rolling along the baggage belt, and a stunned Gaurav standing there without moving.
******************************************************************
Five days prior.
It was almost past noon on Monday and Gaurav sat in his seat staring at his monitor. He knew he was angry. He was just not sure at whom.
Few minutes ago, he was chastised by his manager, Subbu, for being late to office three times in three weeks. He had woken up at 4 AM to board the earliest possible flight from Pune. It was not his fault that some airline could not keep up to their schedule. And it was not his fault that his girlfriend was in Pune and not in Bangalore. Gaurav wanted to explain but Subbu would not listen. Subbu never listened.
‘Because of such behavior I am not able to trust you with any thing but the most trivial work in the project. If you keep behaving this way, you may soon find yourself redundant!’ Subbu felt that coming late to office showed lack of discipline. This was against the company policy, he argued. For the company, it did not matter that he worked fourteen hours a day for almost the entire week. That was not dedication. But coming late once a week was lack of dedication. He had tried to explain this to the HR, going up to the head of the HR department. But all he got back was that ‘Policy is Policy’. HR would not listen to him.
Gaurav wanted to explain to Sakshi, his girlfriend that he could not come to Pune every weekend. Not that he was worried about the expenditure; he could spend any amount for his girlfriend. But travelling every week was making his work life hell. His work was suffering as was his impression on his boss. But he could not explain it to her either and she would not listen. This was a punishment and he had to take it silently.
Nobody listens!!! Gaurav was seething now. A thought occurred and he knew what he had to do. He picked up the phone and called Prateek, his best friend. He had to tell somebody.
‘I am going to write GRE and go to the America. To hell with Subbu, to hell with this company and to hell with Sakshi!’
****************************************************************************
Gaurav and Sakshi were in love for as long they knew each other, six year to be precise. They met on the first day of college and it was love at first sight. They were committed to each other and had never had serious trouble in their relationship. Until now, that is.
After college, both had been placed with reputed companies but in different cities. Gaurav was in Bangalore while Sakshi was in Pune. Economy played its role and neither Gaurav nor Sakshi had succeeded in getting another offer from the other city.  They finally surrendered to the fate but vowed to successfully continue their relationship long distance. They also decided that Sakshi should search for a job in Bangalore as it had better opportunities for both of them. But economy remained tough and job remained elusive.
It was a year and half into the long distance relationship and both sides were losing patience. Sakshi was trying her best but it was not easy to be on the toes always preparing for the interview while trying to learn her job in the company. And Gaurav eager to help Sakshi, would overstep with his suggestions sometimes.
One day while they were having dinner, he asked about her preparation one too many times, and something snapped inside for Sakshi. She got up from the table, her dinner half finished and walked away without speaking a word. Gaurav was too embarrassed to finish his dinner. After a lot of apologies and promises, Sakshi calmed down.
It was six months now, but Gaurav repented that he said what he said on the day. He was still paying for it by flying to Pune twice a week. And there was no way he could speak about it without jeopardizing the relationship.

*****************************************************************
‘I am going to write GRE and go to America. To hell with Subbu, to hell with this company and to hell with Sakshi! In fact I am not even sure that Sakshi is interested in this relationship anymore. Why should I care about her?’
Prateek listened patiently to Gaurav’s rant. But much later when Gaurav had run out of steam and was in position to listen, Prateek reasoned with him. He convinced Gaurav that all the frustration was due to a simple fact. They were not able to handle the long distance relationship. And the solution too. Just accept this fact that Sakshi might not be able to mobe to Bangalore and look for a jon in Pune.
 ‘Isn’t your company opening a branch in Pune? Why don’t you apply for transfer?’
Gaurav could not deny his logic. He decided to talk to his manager. If he explained his plight to his manager, he might find a way for the transfer.
By evening, Gaurav felt happy. His manager had promised him that he would look for information about openings in the Pune location and find out about the transfer.
.
After dinner, Gaurav was still working. Michael, one of his seniors in the team, walked to his desk and asked if he cared to have a smoke?
‘I don’t smoke, sorry’ Gaurav replied with a smile.
 ‘Then you can give me company. It’s for your benefit, I can assure you’, said Michael.
Gaurav and Michael walked out to the stairway.
‘I overheard you talking to Subbu today morning. I sit close to his desk, you know’, Michael started.
Gaurav was embarrassed. Michael knew about Sakshi and all the trouble she was giving him. But Michael had other things on his mind.
‘Do you think Subbu would genuinely try to find you a position in Pune?’, asked Michael but did not wait for Gaurav’s answer.
‘If you think so then you have lot to learn about this company’, he smiled wryly.
‘Do you know Kumar Mani?’, Michael continued. ‘He is the one who is setting up a team in Pune. He is a senior VP and worked here for a long time. Now he has moved to Pune. But I heard he is having trouble getting people. If I were you, I would contact him directly.’
Michael smiled once again. There was something sad about it. ‘This company does this to people who stay here for long. You cannot trust anybody any more. You will learn soon. And, nobody should know we spoke.’ With that, Michael walked away. He never spoke to Gaurav again, that week or later.
*******************************************************************************
Tuesday afternoon, Gaurav had just spoken to Subbu. His perception about Michael had changed from being sad pessimistic loser to being an Oracle, a prophet. Subbu had acted as Michael had predicted. First he had refused to acknowledge that there were any vacancies in Pune. When Gaurav had asked specifically about Kumar Mani’s team, Subbu had changed his tactics. Now he spoke that even if there were vacancies, the company policy forbade any internal transfers. He had dismissed Gaurav with a sarcastic note that he should concentrate on work and all his problems would go away.
Gaurav came back to his seat. He felt sick of the politics and the cheap tricks. He walked out for fresh air and tried calling Sakshi. She did not answer the phone the first time. Five minutes later when he called back, she answered, but only long enough to say that she was in a meeting and would call back. Gaurav knew she was lying. Gaurav knew Sakshi long enough to know that; her voice was nervous! Why was she lying? What was she hiding? At that moment Gaurav came to a decision. He would contact Kumar Mani himself. He would get to Pune at whatever cost. That night Gaurav went back home early, prepared his resume and emailed it to Kumar Mani along with a request to consider him for any open positions.
It was late in the night when Gaurav had finished. Sakshi had not called back yet.
****************************************************************************
Wednesday morning came with good news. Kumar Mani had replied, and wanted to speak with Gaurav. It was afternoon when they spoke for half an hour. First fifteen minutes Kumar Mani asked simple technical questions and Gaurav felt he must have answered them satisfactorily, because for next 15 minutes Kumar spoke about his new project and how it would be interesting. Gaurav was not interested in any of that. All he wanted was to relocate to Pune. In the end, Kumar recommended to talk to Surabhi, the HR manager and get back to him.
Gaurav immediately sent an email to Surabhi expressing his interest in moving to Pune. He requested her to suggest a time for a meeting so that he could explain his reasons. He did not get a response that day.
That night as he lay on his bed, he wanted to speak to Sakshi. This was a big decision and she should know. But he felt stubborn. She had not called back since yesterday. He decided not to call.
***************************************************************************
Thursday early morning, Surabhi herself walked to his desk and asked him to follow her to a meeting room. In the meeting room, for first five minutes she allowed him to explain why he wanted the move. Gaurav poured his heart out. He was now very desperate to move and genuinely feeling that if he did not go, his relationship with Sakshi would end. She was already cold shouldering him over the phone; it was not long before it would collapse.
But Surabhi seemed unmoved. She was staring at the paper which she had brought with her and started speaking, ‘Let me be frank, Gaurav. I can completely empathize with your situation and would want to help you in any way I can. But here, my hands are tied. Your current project is very important for the company and your work is critical for its success. I spoke to your manager and he says that your contribution has been fantastic, although you are only 2 years old in the company and that if you leave, we risk delaying this project by 6 months at least. I know we have a policy for inter-location transfer, but considering the importance of your work, we cannot allow it.’
She finally looked at Gaurav. Gaurav could not believe his ears. He was performing fantastically? And that he was critical for the project?
‘But Surabhi,’ Gaurav started. ‘If my manager feels I am performing so great, he should tell so in my appraisal. I can show you the records, his comments are all negative including a warning that if I don’t improve he would have to put me in under-performer list. And that was only 1 month ago.’ Gaurav could hardly speak any further. He was seething with anger.
Surabhi looked up and smiled, ‘See, Sometimes manager have to give bad rating even for good performers for various reasons. You know we try to fit everybody in a bell curve. Also sometimes, giving bad rating to a fresher motivates him to perform even better. I am sure you have a bright future ahead of you here.’
She could see that Gaurav was not convinced. ‘I will look into your rating. I will see what I can do. But I cannot approve your transfer. I am sorry!’
Gaurav felt betrayed. He knew that he would not be allowed to move. And even if he stayed here, Subbu would make sure to make his life hell. Subbu kept his grudges. Gaurav walked out of office and it was half an hour before he cooled down. Then the conversation with Kumar Mani came back to him. ‘Talk to Surabhi and get back to me whatever happens.’ Kumar had predicted the outcome with prescience. Gaurav smiled.
Gaurav called Kumar and told him whatever had happened. Gaurav tried very hard to control his anger. But Kumar sensed the situation. He was cool.
‘I can talk to Surabhi and convince her about your transfer. You don’t have to worry about that. I have sufficient pull in the company. But I want to make two things clear; first, if I were to get you here, you cannot go back to Bangalore office any time soon. So, you should be very sure that you want to move to Pune.
Secondly, I want a promise from you that you will stay in this project for atleast 2 years. This project is very important for me and I can be a very vengeful person’, Kumar laughed.
‘So think about it. If you say yes, you will have to move immediately. So think thoroughly.’
As Gaurav disconnected the call, he had never felt so unsure about himself. His resolve about not calling Saskhi melted without a trace, and he called Sakshi. It was busy.
He tried many times during the next hour. It was still busy. He called up Prateek.
‘I should have told you this earlier…’ Prateek was speaking, ‘Sakshi has been behaving strangely past one month or so. She is on phone many times, and Priya is secretive about Sakshi too.’
Priya was Prateek’s girlfriend and Sakshi’s roommate.
‘This week, Sakshi disappeared for 2 days, 2 working days! I don’t know where she went. And Priya just smiled when I asked the question. And yesterday while we were having dinner at their place, Sakshi got a call. When Sakshi returned after the call, Priya and Sakshi exchanged some weird looks, I felt something was fishy. So I checked Sakshi’s phone while she was not looking and the last call was from ‘Robert’. And then there were some SMSs about meeting.. That’s all I could find out, but I am not used to snooping into other people’s mobile..”
‘Robert? Of all the people, Robert? ‘ Gaurav could not believe it. Robert was their classmate who had Who had a crush on Sakshi for a long time and had been a pest who just could not get the hint that Sakshi was not interested.
‘Yes.. Robert … I am worried, Gaurav. I am really worried. The girls are hiding something!‘, concluded Prateek.
At that moment Gaurav knew what he had to do. He emailed his acceptance to Kumar. Sakshi did call. She had seen the missed calls. But Gaurav was interested to know who she was talking to. Sakshi would not answer; she was indignant that Gaurav had become so possesive. So the day ended. Nobody slept well that night.
*************************************************************
Things moved like clockwork the next day. By the time he reached office, there was a letter on his desk with approval for his transfer from Surabhi’s boss. Before noon, his tickets for the late evening flight reached him. Gaurav had just enough time to say Good Byes to his friends in the company.
He was genuinely happy for the first time this week. And he would be happy for next few hours.
******************************************************************
‘Hey Prateek, you cannot even guess where I am…’, Gaurav sounded exhilarated.
Prateek was impatient and was talking in hushed voice. ‘Shut up and listen, this is urgent. Do you remember I told you how Sakshi was talking on the phone for a long time to Robert and how they were planning to meet? Well, it turns out, she was giving interviews. And She had been to Bangalore to accept her offer this week. Robert is the HR from the new company. She packed her bags and left for Bangalore  2 hours ago!’
When Prateek arrived at the airport an hour later, Gaurav was in a security room unable to walk or talk and staring incomprehensively into oblivion.

In Bangalore, realizing that her 'Surprise' had backfired, it was two days before Sakshi could speak to anyone without crying.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Serendipity

“I Love You!”

He heard her loud and clear. He even the sweet smell of her perfume. But when he opened his eyes, there was nobody. He was sitting all alone on a ruin by the river with only cool breeze and chirping birds for company. His reverie had been interrupted. He got up and started walking along the familiar road towards his home.

This was not the first time he had heard it. The voice had haunted him over and over again. It was sweet; yet there was something sad about it. He felt it was familiar; yet he could not place it. It was like everything else in his life. The streets, the house, the people… everything. He felt as if he was living in a trance, a dream, where everything was hazy, the voices toned down, disconnected. Was he hallucinating? Was he going mad? The thought was disturbing.

One hot afternoon, a few days later, he found himself sitting on a bed staring at a large old cupboard. It stood in a dark corner. He felt drawn to it. He pulled at the handle, the door opened smoothly.

The cupboard was full of books, some new, some old, neatly arranged. But the books did not interest him. He kept searching ignoring the books. Under one of the plank there was a small recess just enough to give him a finger hold. He yanked at it. Magically, the bottom half of the plank swiveled out revealing a small compartment. It contained a lone diary. He took out the diary closed the cupboard and started reading it.

The diary was full of scribbles; he scanned through a few entries. It was written by somebody who led a boring life. He was flipping through the pages when a folded paper slipped from the diary and fell on the floor. It was a handwritten page neat and crispy. And it told a story of a boy called Sameer.

“Sameer was a shy, slightly introverted boy. His only childhood playmate was his neighbor Shruti. They were almost of the same age and good friends for as long as they could remember. They always liked to play together; they shared everything from chocolates to secrets. They were best friends, they were inseparable.

“Ambitious father, a pamphlet in the newspaper advertizing an IIT coaching center in the city and a relative exalting the virtues of the coaching center resulted in Sameer packing his bags to join the residential school which prepared students for IIT. This was after his class ten; Shruti joined a local college. The coaching center was famous for military discipline. The students, once inside would not be allowed any disruption in their concentration. Visitors were allowed only once a month and even then only parents could visit. And going home was a forbidden except for a prescribed week once a year. They provided each student with a time-table which spanned from early morning pre-dawn Mathematics lessons sessions to pre-sleep biology drawing practice.

When Sameer visited home a year later, he had become a shadow of himself. Sameer’s mother could not bear that her son had to suffer at this age. She declared that her son would not go to the residential school again, She was convinced that the residential school would harm her son. Sameer did not protest either, he was not very happy there either. He joined the local college; he and shruti were classmates once again.

Sameer who returned from school was a different person. He made friends more easily and was generally extroverted around them, while he became introverted when around Shruti. He had not seen her for a while although they wrote to each other regularly, and when he saw her now he could not but resist but wonder how beautiful she was. This converted into a full blown crush by the time he joined the college.

He would find himself staring at her quite unconsciously. But one day she noticed his stare. She waved at him and instead of responding, Sameer blushed. That day he resolved that he would speak to Shruti about his feelings. He knew that this would take it out of his system.

Sameer would try and catch Shruti alone, and though he succeeded many times, he could never speak his mind. Frustrated, Sameer decided to write a letter. That evening, when he was along at the house, he sat down and wrote a long letter. But the letter was never delivered. His life was interrupted.. by a phone call.”

He turned the page around to find it was blank. Whoever had written this had intentionally stopped at this point, like they did in novels, to encourage readers to move to next chapter. But here there was no second chapter to be found. He searched the cupboard, turned almost every book upside down, peered into holes in vain.

It was evening. The sun was setting. He was sitting under a large tree on the banks of a lake surrounded by fields on either side. Sameer’s incomplete story had made him restless.

He heard sound of some feet running. He turned around and watched as a school boy approached the tree, stood on a protruding root and retrieved and retrieved a stone from a hiding place. The boy walked up to the shore, closed his eyes concentrating on the stone for a few seconds, slowly took aim and flung the stone flat into the lake and counted as the stone bounced 5 times before finally submerging. The boy jumped with joy. “Come on, it’s getting late.” A girl from somewhere further behind was hurrying the boy. He turned around to look at the young girl, but there was nobody there. He turned back towards the place the young boy who was jumping with joy a few seconds ago was gone too.

He walked around the tree. The trunk looked smooth and solid. Just as he was sure that it must have been a dream, he saw the hiding place camouflaged by overgrown bark. There were a few stones and to his even greater surprise a neatly folded paper. It was written in the same handwriting, and was the second chapter of the interrupted story. He anxiously started reading it without even bothering to sit down.

“Just as Sameer was about the finish the letter, the phone rang.

‘Hello’ Sameer answered.

There was silence at the other end.

‘Hello. Who is it?’

Sameer heard someone giggle at the other end. Then the call got disconnected. 10 minutes later the phone rang again. Sameer picked it up, his heart was beating fast.

‘I wore a red dress today. Did you like it?’ It was a girl at the other end.

‘Excuse me?’ Sameer was confused.

‘You heard me. Think about it. Click’ The girl had disconnected the phone.

Sameer slept uneasily that night.

The girl called Sameer every evening, without fail . “Today I wore green”, ‘Today it was blue.”, “Today it was blue again, but a different blue!”. That was all she spoke, not a word more.

Sameer became obsessed with her. He started writing down all the dresses worn by different girls during the day and wait for the call in the evening. But he never could make out who it was.

“Then one day she did not talk about dresses. ‘Halliday and Resnik. Page 128”. When he opened the book, there was a photo of a temple with “4 P.M.” written it. Sameer recognized the temple in the photo. It was located on top of a hillock on the way to college. He looked at his watch. He had 30 minutes to reach the place.

Sameer cycled as fast as he could. He parked his cycle on the road from where a hundred steps led to the top of the hillock on which the temple was located. Sameer was out of breath when he reached the top. He looked around. But it was deserted, the temple itself was locked. There was an arrow drawn using sand, which pointed in the direction to a tree. When he followed the arrow he saw a coffee cup kept under the tree. The cup was empty except for a coffee bean. Below the cup there was a photo of a bus with “4:15”

Sameer searched for more hints. There was none. Then it hit him; near the foothill where he had parked his bicycle, there was a bus stop with a large advertisement of the new coffee brand. The advertisement consisted of a cup and a coffee bean.

Sameer’s heart was racing, from the exertion and excitement. He kept the photo in his pocket, carried the cup in his hand and ran down the steps with all his remaining strength. When he reached down he was breathless. He first looked at the bus stop; he did see the Cup and the coffee bean. As he looked down, he saw her sitting and waiting. He smiled. Eagerly he stepped forward to cross the road. He was still looking at her. She stood up smiling. Next moment, there was noise of screeching tyres and a loud crash. Sameer had been knocked down by a car.”

Like the first part of the story, this chapter also ended suddenly. He felt exasperated. He felt sorry for Sameer. What happened to Sameer? Who was the girl? Did Sameer survive the accident? With all these questions on his mind, he walked back home.

Disconcerted, he was sitting on the porch of his house late in the evening with his head resting on the wall. He was thinking of Sameer and the incomplete story. He felt drowsy. He was tired. He closed his eyes.

“Sameer was lying in the hospital bed, mostly unharmed physically, but comatose with only a bandaged on his head. The physical wound was healing. It was late afternoon when Shruti walked into the room. Vikas, Sameer’s elder brother, was sitting on the chair by the bed. Shruti asked,’How is he now?’. Vikas shook his head his face clouded with worry. They sat there staring at the peaceful face of Sameer. Vikas asked Shruti to take a sit. He took out the cigarette pack from his pocket and asked Shruti whether she give Sameer company for a few minutes. Shruti nodded. Vikas walked out of the room eagerly, he had been holding the craving for too long.

Few minutes later, Shruti was holding Sameer’s hand delicately. Her eyes were damp. She whispered “Please wake up Sameer. I will never be able to forgive myself for playing the prank. I love you, Sameer. Please wake up.”

He woke up with a start; he had been dreaming about the story. He touched his head, it was still numb. And suddenly everything around him had meaning. It was his house, his parents. He was Sameer and the story was ‘his’ story. He walked to the telephone, dialed a number.

“Shruti?...” A pause. “I remember… everything”

After a silence of few minutes, Sameer heard a sob at the other end. Tears, those were happy tears.


*(My proof-reader is busy serving a higher priority interrupt. You might have noticed the result already.)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Poison Ivy

She was beautiful. He was handsome. They met in college and it was love at first sight. They decided to get married. But she was poor; daughter of a nobody. He was a prince with a crown and a palace and with a heritage of royal Rajasthan behind him. There was bound to be trouble. The queen did not approve of his son’s choice. But the prince was adamant he would go to any length to get married to his love. The queen finally consented. And they got married. It was 25 years ago.

Are you laughing? Yes I know there were no Kingdoms in India 25 years ago. But he lived like a prince. And who would have told the haughty lady that she was not a queen anymore? She ruled her house with more stateliness than her ancestors had ruled Rajasthan. And the village where they lived still considered her the Queen. But we are digressing.

Lets call them Roopamati and Kunwar Singh for sake of anonymity. Roopamati and Kunwar Singh got married. Soon Roopamati was expecting, everybody talked about heir to the throne would be born. When she went into labour the whole village held their breath. The instruments of celebrations were cleaned, ready to explode. The whole village stopped as generally seen during the last overs of world cup finals.

It was late in the night when the door opened, the nurse was smiling holding a baby ‘It’s a girl!’. There was a collective sigh of disappointment. The queen turned around and locked herself in the bedroom. The prince prepared for himself a peg of whiskey and went swimming for an hour in the backyard, the usual activity before sleeping. And so that night, nobody held me, nobody hugged me, except Roopamati, my mother. Nobody congratulated my mother, nobody even smiled at her. Unfortunately I was too young for that.

It was obvious, the prince needed an heir and that a girl could not be an heir, so Roopamati had to try again for producing an heir. And Roopamati tried, like an obedient daughter-in-law. I must be 4-5 years old then. 3 months later Roopamati fell violently ill. She was taken to a hospital in town; the pregnancy had to be terminated. And she was told she could not become pregnant again. She was discharged 15 days later, doctors had brought her back from brink of death.

When Roopamati returned, the whole environment had changed, it had become hostile. Everybody knew that she could not give the Prince an heir. She was ignored by everyone, from the prince, the queen to the lowest of the servant in the household. The queen was furious when she was told that her daughter-in-law could not have any more children, she needed a grand-son for continuing the lineage. The queen came to a conclusion and the royal writ was dispatched. Roopamati should do every pooja, every vrat, every upwaas have a son. And everybody should co-operate with daughter-in-law with the fast as long as it was sanctioned by the Royal Pandit, anybody violating it would be held responsible under pain of death. Although this was an empty threat, everybody followed.

Roopamati regained her strength, temporarily. And before she could recover completely, she was forced to follow a strict regiment to please the gods. She had no choice but to follow the orders. The only person who could help her, her husband, had withdrawn himself in a cocoon and refused to even talk to her. And the intention was clear, the fruit was distinctly unambiguous. They wanted an heir, she had to bear a son. But for all her hard effort to please the Gods, miracle evaded Roopamati and she weakened by every passing day. The dream of having a normal life faded.

It had become a fight between her spirit and her body. The body was getting weaker every day due to her effort to please the gods by sacrificing food. The spirit was strong and wanted life. Some days the spirit won, and she was almost cheerful. Other days the body won, and she was bed ridden. Finally the body won and gave up.

I was a silent spectator of all this, a helpless child. I watched her as she collapsed while doing rounds of Tulsi in the morning. I watched as she was carried into the bedroom and when nobody cared to call for a doctor. I watched her being confined to her bed due to weakness. I watched as her hunger died along with willingness to live. I watched and I cried. I was 10 when my mother was announced dead. Her spirit had died long ago.

After my mother’s death, the queen took on herself to mould me into something I was not. She frowned when I ate fast, it was not in accordance to another important feminine trait of Grace. She frowned when I refused to learn cooking, to learn stitching or singing. I had to learn all these things, if I had to become a good wife. She expected unquestioned obedience, I was free willed. And life became endless lessons, endless unpleasant lessons.

The library room in the palace was huge,and as it turned out, rarely used. I started hiding there from grandmother and her lessons. I also started reading. That’s when I learnt about Christopher Columbus and his journey to America, about Raja Harishchandra and his divine test, about Newton and his Theory of Gravity. But what fascinated me most was the land of animals and plants, of which I liked the snakes, the spiders, the scorpions the most. I would have considered it odd that a young girl like me was fascinated by poisonous creatures but I had nothing to compare with. I was a loner.

Soon after my mother’s death, father got married again. The second wife was a poor little soul who took on the task of producing the heir immediately and left me alone. One year later she produced an heir, and all the energy of the palace was spent around the Heir. I was left alone to the books.

That’s how I spent my next few years. I had no friends, I did go to school but talked to no one. I spent most of time in the library hiding. I was not unhappy. I was not ill treated. And I would have continued the life had it not for a servant who blabbered the plans of my father. According to him, I was old enough and he had plans for my marriage, negotiations were on through a middle man. I panicked. I did not want to end up like my mother. I wanted to control my own life. I hid in the library, I cried for a long time.

On that cool night, a young girl ran away from home. She had nothing but few hundred rupees stolen from her father’s wallet and an old diary which contained an address of an uncle whom she remembered having a kindly face. The address was that of Mumbai and the train which left the station at midnight also went to Mumbai.

It was a stupid thing to do, but I was lucky. I reached safely and the uncle with kindly face also had a kind heart and he supported me. My father searched the neighborhood and when nothing turned up, announced that I had could not handle the loss of my mother and had jumped to death. I am pretty sure he was relieved. After all he would had to give lots of dowry in my marriage to keep his status.

But that was 10 years ago. Lot of water has flown under the bridge and I have grown. I completed the schooling, went to college and now I am a researcher. The passion for venomous creatures which caught me in childhood has not receded, and I continue to work on the most poisonous species of the world. Our task is to extract the poison and find out about how it can be used other than to kill people. Some of them have fascinating applications, like anesthesia or anti-coagulant. The challenge lies not only in extracting the venom, but keeping it stable so that it can be injected at will. The work is fun, because I love what I do. But it can be dangerous too.

Few months ago, while I was working in the lab I fell down paralysed. A lab full of students with experience in handling poisonous insects soon realized that the symptom was that of being bitten by a rare Amazonian spider. I was working on exactly that species, so it was not a mystery how I got bitten. But they were perplexed none the less because I was nowhere near the glass box which kept the spiders. It takes only a few seconds for the paralysis to set in, once the spider has bitten. They panicked and although they knew that the effects reduce after 15 minutes, I was admitted me to hospital. I was fine by the time admission was done, but doctor kept me overnight under observation. I suspect the effects of spider bite were novelty for them too. I was a sort of a star that night.

But that stardom attracted an unwanted visitor. A person, who from the appearance appeared like a religious guru, stared at me endlessly. He was a middle aged person and from the number and quantity of visitors a fairly successful one. After lot of thought, he spoke to me:

‘You are daughter of Kunwar!’

I was cursing my luck. Of all the people in the world, the guy who knew my old identity should be in the hospital. He started narrating old stories and I realized that many royal families of Rajasthan were his followers. And as required by his profession, he kept all the information about each and every family. He knew that I had run away and that my father had declared me dead. He talked to me about my mother and the poor soul how much she had suffered. That was first time in 10 years that I was close to crying for my mother. He sensed my anger at my father, that I held him responsible for killing my mother and he talked about forgiveness. He talked me into meeting my father again. He convinced me that atleast I should try to understand his side of the story.

By the time I was discharged, this person had my phone number and my promise that I will forget the anger and meet my father. Not sure whether it was under the influential talk of Sadhuji Maharaj, but I wanted to meet my father. The spider bite appeared to have some divine intentions.

Sadhuji Maharaj went straight to my father’s house, and used his silver tongue and convinced him of meeting me. He knew for some time that I was alive and living in Mumbai, but had not taken any pains to meet me. But this time I was invited to stay in the palace. Sadhuji Maharaj had given a guarantee that I would not be harmed there. And so I went planning so that I need not stay for more than 36 hours.

I was welcomed warmly, more warmly by couple of old servants and less so by the family members. Lots of things had changed in the palace since the time I left. The queen was gone and my father was presiding over the palace. His wife was still a poor little soul who talked shyly even to the people who served her. Her only son had rebelled against his father and had moved out of the palace along with his wife and kid to a near by town trying to etch a living for himself. The father was trying his best by using his influence to make his son’s life miserable. He was hell bent on teaching his son a lesson for rebelling against him. A further digging revealed bits and pieces of the cause of son’s action. It was turn of my father to want a grandson and he had tried to pressurize his son and daughter in law. Thankfully the son, unlike his father, preferred to move out than let his wife suffer. I was sure this incident was just a last nail and my brother had more reasons to move out. But this went on to prove that my father had not changed a bit. My enthusiasm to meet my father waned.

When we met, me and father did nothing but stare at each other and then at the ground. Maharaj was a bit disappointed that we did not connect, but was somewhat relieved when I was invited for dinner at the hall the next day which was held as a farewell to Sadhuji who was going on foreign tour for 6 months.

The dinner was a grand affair befitting the royal lineage. There were number of guests with Sadhuji Maharaj being the chief guest. But he had made up his mind and was trying his best to get me and my father together. We spoke guardingly.

Later in the night, most people had left. Sadhuji Maharaj was talking to some of his disciples when he signaled all of them to leave which they did immediately, leaving only 3 of us. Maharaj made a small speech about how important Father-daughter relationship is and why he is happy that things are looking good between me and father. He concluded the speech when Maharaj hinted that he may have some good groom for me from suitable Khandan. He even had one in mind and spent the next 5 minutes praising the groom and his family. I was speechless but from my father’s expression I suspected he was privy to this information. I had always known that the Maharaj had ulterior motive but this was beyond my imagination. Our silence was awkward before it was interrupted when his disciple came to announce that the car for departure were ready. I made up an excuse that I need more time think and we could discuss further after Maharaj’s foreign tour.

Maharaj took it spiritedly. He thanked my father for the party, called his disciples and left in the car which was provided by my father. I had another hour before the train left. I bid good bye to my father and rest of the family and went to the room assigned to me in the palace. I collected my baggage, asked the servant to keep it in the car. I was following him when I took a wrong turn and reached the backyard instead of front door. There, my father was taking his pre-sleep swim alone.

When he saw me, he came to the edge of the swimming pool to talk to me. As I bent down to say good bye, he felt something prick his left arm. He instinctively retracted into deeper water, but the paralysis hit him at the very same moment.

Do you know what happens when a human being is paralyzed and in water? ‘Plop’ his body goes like a stone towards the water. No sound escapes the water, no thrashing. Silently the air gasps out of the lungs and all is over but not before a terrible pain when the spirit wants to struggle and live while body cannot. The same terrible pain as experienced by my mother.

I reached the front door, thanked the servant who had kept the luggage in the car and left. In the train I disposed off the syringe piece by piece on various bridges as the train chugged along.

My half-brother is the prince now. But there are lots of conspiracy theories on how the older prince died, some of them suspecting the wounded spirit of Roopamati. As for me, I don’t feel any interest in those poisonous creatures any longer. I am thinking of a career change.